Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
