the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize