hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
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you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
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There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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