And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
