True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
