As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
