I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just google imaged poop.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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