But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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