Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
