not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
