I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
