So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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