What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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