I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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