I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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