xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
