Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
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