You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I could fuck to npr.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
