making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
