I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
