My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
