dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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