I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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