He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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