I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
