Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
