Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
