Cold hands, warm shart.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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