My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
