Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
