I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
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I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
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I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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