I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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