just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
