I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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