wanna go halves on a baby?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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