I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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