Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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