some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
