if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
