mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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