Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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