we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize