you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
