just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
