how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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