I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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