Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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