And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
