Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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