The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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