idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
