I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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