He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
