dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
