Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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