Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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