My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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